Monday, September 28, 2009

Why I'm hoping for around December 14....

So... I just have to get this off my chest... (or, in this case, could it possibly be "off my belly"?!?!)
I must admit: I do NOT like being pregnant.

Don't be mad. I LOVE that we're having a baby. SO THAT is NOT the problem. I also am thrilled that we're bringing a little boy (AKA "Sean clone") into the world. THAT's exciting!!! AND... I am quite entertained by -- and enamored with -- the myriad bumps, kicks and wiggles that have been going on in my stomach region. :)

But, there are so many things that I do NOT like about being pregnant that it tends to color my opinion toward the negative.

One reason I am not a "happy pregger"...
I feel like I'm made of dough.

Yep. I'm convinced. I am now a big, blobby, wobbly, smooshy pile of dough. With eyes. And hair. I'm even the color of dough: pasty white. It frustrates me. Yuck! Keep me away from mirrors, especially when there's some of that oh-so-fun swelling taking place. Sheesh! Is Star Wars needing a Mrs. Jaba in the next installment? I wouldn't need much makeup help at this point....

Another reason why I am not a happy pregger...
the sprinkler system that comes pre-installed with pregnancy.

It's set to go on every hour or so. Even during the middle of the night (uh... especially during the middle of the night!). It's just amazing. I have spent waaaaayyyy too time with the porcelain gods these last few months... for one reason or another. Maybe that's why I've been so inspired to redo the paint job in our little half-bath...

I could go on and on about reasons to not like being pregnant. Some are a little personal. Some are a little gross. (Some are a little personal AND gross.) So I will leave you with one final reason I am not a happy pregger...
The knife.

Yes. The KNIFE. It is a constant companion, day and night... siting, standing, resting, relaxing. No matter. The knife is there. The sharp, burning stabs of pain sometimes overwhelm me in a rush of increased intensity and other times just hang around with their staccato bursts of pain. Sometimes excruciating. Sometimes just achy and annoying. Constantly frustrating. But there. Always. And about to drive me CRAZY!!!!

And it's, what, not quite October yet??? Did I mention that baby is due in December? Like, 80+ days from now? Technically, he's due on Dec. 26. But just between you and me, I'm afraid that the knife may overcome me well before that time (the knife... or the insanity that may take over my mind because of the knife!!!)

That's why I'm hoping for December 14... or somewhere thereabouts. I'll take just about anything before then... during that month, of course. November 14 is not so good. Neither is October 14... while tempting. I mean, this isn't all about me. I have a little bun baking in the oven, and it needs an adequate amount of time.

And that reminds me... I need to buy more of these dough-reducing, uh, I mean "slimming" stretchy top things.

I guess the good new is, I have a great costume idea for Halloween this year: Mrs. Jaba The Hut. (Gosh, I hope you weren't thinking "Psychotic, Knife-Wielding Dough Sprinkler of Doom.") ;)

3 comments:

Rachel said...

LOL! I love being pregnant - not so much the newborn phase, though. We need to work this out. I could be pregnant, you could have the newborn, then I could have the toddler...

would you like the teenager?

Beth said...

HA! I can't say I'm a HUGE fan of the newborn phase, either. Jaiden at 3 was pretty rough. I can't imagine the teenage years. Sheesh! This gets worse and worse. ;)

Kate Spike and Her KatS said...

Sorry Beth--many of the things you're experiencing being pregnant--weight gain, feeling unattractive, having to pee constantly--are just going to happen again when you get old. Trust me on that. It would be nice if you had the little one on December 15 -- CeCe's birthday. Hang in there!!